The Other Drummer

 

I know I’m probably going to offend some people when I say this, so I half-heartedly apologize in advance.

I think this widget could be about the tackiest thing I’ve ever seen.

Honestly, what makes you think anyone wants to see a baby floating around in your virtual uterus, squiggly umbilical cord and all? I’m happy that you’re having a kid. Really. Congratulations. That’s wonderful news. I don’t want a sneak peek. Thanks though.

So I decided to prove the ridiculousness of the widget by cramming 10 little fetuses in my virtual uterus (I never thought I would write those words) and watching them grow. Like sea monkeys. In a few months we’ll see how my digital offspring fare in their crammed space.

Also, I hate blogs that play music automatically when the page loads.

It’s disturbing, yet I can’t look away.

See more here.

Here are my thoughts on different types of eggs. Please let me know if I forgot any.

Scrambled: the best, especially on toast
Fried: Tasty, as long as they’re not overly runny
Omelettes: Mmmm.
Poached: don’t think I’ve ever had one, but they sound gross. Really, do we need to illegally hunt eggs? Sounds a bit excessive to me.
Hard boiled: No, no, no. Texture, smell…yikes.
Deviled: Never tried one, but the mere thought of a hard boiled egg mixed with mayo…yeah. No.

There you have it. In case you were wondering.

“A usually temporary condition in which a writer finds it impossible to proceed with the writing of a novel, play, or other work.”

First of all, I’m trying to start, not proceed, with a “work”. (Referring to this blog as “a work” is a being generous.) Still, it’s torture having anything to write about when you want to write. Granted, it’s not as bad as having to write and not being able to come up with anything. I’ve done that too and it stinks. But this is frustrating nonetheless.

Fortunately, I’m watching TV.

Did you know that if I go to a website I can quadruple my income? These happy people sipping champaign make $18,000 a month working part time. Dang it. Obviously, a college education was the wrong choice. Instead of spending years studying all I needed to do to get ahead in life was watch this infomercial and go to a website. What a fool I’ve been. If I don’t visit it I’ll never be able to take my kids to Disneyland. Seriously. I feel guilty for writing this much. I need to go.

Dear Santa Claus,

Dang I’ve been good this year. Really, really good. Seriously. I’ve been so good the Catholics tried to cannonize me or something, but it sounded painful so I was like, “Whatever John Paul, or whatever your name is. I dig the gesture and all but I really don’t have a need for any kind of ancient artillery or whatever. But maybe we could dust off a few of those indulgences and toss ‘em my way. Not that I need them or anything because I’ve been good and all but, you know, but nobody’s perfect right? But I’m pretty close so maybe I could sell ‘em on ebay or something. And if you could sign ‘em or something that’d be cool too. You know, really make them seem all official and stuff. Or, if you could get them in the shape of the Virgin Mary that would be even better. Man, anything that even looks like Mary sells for like a kabillion dollars more than it’s worth. Did you hear about that grilled cheese sandwich? Man, it took me like a hundred tries to get it right, but it was totally worth it in the end.

Well, Sir Benedict IX was looking like he was sitting on something pointy and one of his cardinals was about to blow his top. (By the way, you totally look a lot better in red than he does. You totally pull it off. Seriously.)

So anyway, I didn’t get a cannon. So if you could get me a wreath or somethin’, that’d be grand. Also, I don’t know if this is your thing or not but my brother in-law really wants a midget, so maybe you could get me one and we could share.

Thanks and all,

David

My brother in-law is setting up his first blog. I’m so proud. I think he’s pretty stoked about it, mainly because he’s now sporting a shiny new Macbook. NICE.

Go get ‘em Brad.

My wife just kicked my trash at the old SNES version of Mario Kart. I have to remind myself that I had a Sega Genesis, not a crummy Super Nintendo, as a kid so it’s OK. Besides, Sega was a heckofa lot cooler. Yeah.

It was a great game. After getting warmed up the Cougs performed wonderfully.

However, Oregon’s coach seems to be in denial and refused to eat his slice of humble pie:

“‘No, my opinion has not changed,’ said Bellotti, who a day earlier said BYU would not be among the best football teams in the Pacific-10 Conference.”

Well, if you honestly believe that, you must think very poorly of your own team.

Here’s the rest of the article, courtesy of The Oregonian.

If you haven’t heard already, J.K. Rowling has released the title of the next, and last, Harry Potter novel. Wanna find out what it is? Follow these directions:

“Go to her home page, click on the eraser and you will be taken to a room — you’ll see a window, a door and a mirror.

In the mirror, you’ll see a hallway. Click on the farthest doorknob and look for the Christmas tree. They click on the center of the door next to the mirror and a wreath appears. Then click on the top of the mirror and you’ll see a garland.

Look for a cobweb next to the door. Click on it, and it will disappear. Now, look at the chimes in the window. Click on the second chime to the right, and hold it down. The chime will turn into the key, which opens the door. Click on the wrapped gift behind the door, then click on it again and figure out the title by playing a game of hangman.”

Personally, I’m a little disappointed at the title. I can’t put my finger on why. I just am. Regardless, I’ll probably be at the midnight release when it does come out.

Thoughts on the title?

Honestly, if you know your gas is that foul why would you voluntarily put yourself in a confined area with hundreds of people at 30,000 feet? I guess if you’re dumb enough to light a match on a plane…

Read the whole article here.